Dustin went to school on Thursday and Friday. He was in such a great mood on Thursday and things seemed to be going pretty well. He even remembered something. My mom was telling him how he was shocking everyone in the hospital after he had his seizure during his video eeg. He told her that he remembered this and it was a very strange thing to remember something.
Some people have asked how much of his memory he has. He remembers nothing. I don't understand how the brain works and how memories are stored so I obviously can't explain to you why he can remember how to shower or that orange juice is in the refrigerator. I can tell you that there is no way he is faking this. He doesn't remember which cabinet the glasses are in or that everyday he likes to eat pizza rolls with hot sauce or that if you ask to share his food he tells you he hates to share food and he'll let you take something, but he won't be able to watch. He doesn't remember how to play football or draw or who his best friend was or who we are. He has to learn all of this. When he is around a lot of people he tends to just not make eye contact. It would be hard to look at people and not know whether they are your friend of 8 years, your aunt or a complete stranger. He told us he'd rather be the new kid where nobody knows him than the new kid where everyone knows him. I can see, though, where this memory loss thing is a hard thing to wrap your head around. You can't physically see it so of course you doubt it's validity. It's not like having a broken arm or stitches. This has been a problem with some of the kids at school. He's been called names and some kids have thrown things at him at lunch. Of course my mom can tell the principal this is happening and teachers can explain to the other kids what's going on,but ultimately these are things Dustin is going to have to deal with. They are things we are going to have to deal with. Maybe his memory will come back, but maybe it won't. He might draw again and he might not. It is very scary right now, for him, to imagine having all of those memories come back. He doesn't know who he was before March 1st so how can he say he wants to be that person again? That is also hard for us as his family to hear. We miss him. We know how important his drawing and friends and football were to him. We somehow have to grieve that loss while being thankful that he is still here. Yesterday at church the pastor was explaining that we are stewards for God. Everything we have is really God's and we need to decide how God wants us to use it. If takes something away then we deal with it because it wasn't ours in the first place. I think we realize this with money, possessions, even our body, but our mind? It's hard to grasp that God has given us our mind and it's not ours. It is his and he has control over that too. As we go through this together and individually it's so easy to see how tragedy can let you fall farther away from God or bring you so much closer to him. It seems right now to me that there is no middle ground. There are so many times each day where I can see Satan working his way into our lives and bringing in doubt. Dustin has the constant question of why God would allow this to happen to him. How can we still worship and praise a God that would let us do this to him? It's so hard to explain to him right now. All I can say is that I can't imagine doing this without God. I can't imagine facing this without him. How would I do it and who would I turn to? I once again thank everyone for their continued prayers and support of Dustin and our family. Keep praying for peace and encouragement. Keep praying for understanding and acceptance.
Dustin has a appointment at the IU med center on Tuesday. To make this appointment we have to have a copy of his video eeg. On Friday the neurologist called and said that it's possible the copy won't be ready by Tuesday. He asked my mom not to cancel the appointment until he knows for sure on Monday since it's very difficult to get in. So please pray that the copy will be made tomorrow and if not that another appointment can be made quickly. Trying to have patience as we wait on doctors and appointments is such a struggle.
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